According to Merriam-Webster, a golfer is someone who “plays golf.” But let’s be real, playing is supposed to be fun, right? I mean, when was the last time you heard a child mutter a string of profanities while playing with Legos? Golf, my friends, is not a game. It’s a curse, an addiction, a royal pain in the ass. And according to Dr. Bob Rotella, an expert in the mental game of golf, golf is designed to mess with the mind!
Picture this: a serene golf course, birds chirping, the sun shining, a gentle breeze in the air, and a cold beer in the cart’s cup holder. It’s the perfect setting for a calm and enjoyable game, right? Wrong. Golf is a bit like playing blackjack in Vegas. You stay even for a while, win a little, lose a little, and just when you think you’re done, something tells you to take one more swing. Next thing you know, you’re in the never-ending cycle of the “house has the advantage” game. The ups and downs of golf are about as thrilling and stomach-churning as a colonoscopy and a nice steak dinner. Golf sucks until it doesn’t!
Now, let me clarify something – when I say I’m a golfer, it’s more of a self-deprecating joke. Keeping an honest score – I am a triple bogey golfer. My journey started in high school when I joined the golf team. But, let’s face it, when you’re an over-hormonal teenager, spending your last period hitting golf balls doesn’t exactly top the priority list. Fast forward to adulthood, and my golfing adventures are limited to scramble type tournaments where I can safely hack away, praying the ball goes somewhat straight while relying on others to have the better ball.
My golfing skills are truly something to behold. My 9 iron magically transforms into a 4 iron when hit thin, and vice versa when the 4 iron decides to take a chunk of turf along for the ride. And don’t even get me started on my 150-yard club – spoiler alert, it’s every club in the bag – except my driver, that’s another story in itself. But you know what? When playing in those scrambles I get that one-in-every 65 shots (because who doesn’t shoot at least 7 under in a scramble?), where I manage to pull off that one miraculous long, straight shot and the euphoria of being a golfer strikes again.
I do aspire to be better, though. Realistically. I aim to transition from 126 strokes to a hundred, from a triple bogey golfer to just a bogey golfer. I want to enjoy the game, but not entirely, because let’s face it, chaos is part of the charm of golf. What lies ahead is my personal journey – from what I’ve tried to accomplish to what I’m currently doing to enhance my skills. My goal is to offer hope to others who’ve felt disregarded on the course by the course or those rushing to play through. Ultimately, it’s about instilling hope within myself. So, here’s to all the golfers out there – may your swings be straight, your putts be true, and may you find humor in the chaos that is golf. Because at the end of the day, golf is like that quirky friend you can’t stand but somehow can’t live without. Remember, Golf Sucks until it doesn’t!
